I am a total romantic. I am a total dreamer. I fantasize about 97.5% of my life. When I am not fantasizing about my life, I am trying to figure out how I could be. It might come as shocking, it might not, either way... it is me. I am actually pretty comfortable with who I am as a person even if I question it on an hourly basis. I have no need to "woo" the world. I do, however, have the desire to feel accepted and wanted and happy but I don't believe anyone other then myself can make me feel any of those things. I am happy with who I choose to have in my life, especially the person I sleep next to at night even if I am the "thought to be" lunatic emotional artist.
I know that when I get to some river and I have to boat down it with the rest of the world that has passed on, we are ultimately all going to be the same, whether or not we were a lawyer or a writer in this life; We are ultimately going to be asked the question, "Were you who you wanted to be?" And I can, at this point, say yes. I can't say that about everyone else nor do I feel the need to say it. Or even care. I do feel that I am angry at the world yet I do feel like the world is able to be angry at. It ultimately is easy and...we...are ultimately failing in that task. That is why I am let down. Not because of some day to day nonsense. Is there anyone who isn't upset at the world? I doubt it. There is no such thing as being purely happy with it or with life. Its unrealistic and unattainable even though Buddhism tries to come close. I very much understand how to appreciate life and attain the most out of it. And be happy when I should be. And I ultimately look back with a great smile feeling like I have a great life. And I give that idea off. In fact, I give that idea off every second you talk to me. (I think).
But then again, why am I writing this?
Obviously, it is me. I rarely post further comments but I am going to start to with the hopes of encouraging more comments. I do read them all, in fact, they are emailed to me.
I like your sentence SJ about if you make people happy then I am making a contribution to the world. Very good point and one that I really need to start acting out.
Thanks for the well wishes.
Posted by: frank | August 27, 2005 at 01:52 PM
The role of the visual artist is to try and express the sorts of thoughts and feelings that words can't convey - it's who you are, and its why you think this way. As the saying goes: "The unexamined life is not worth living."
Posted by: blair | August 27, 2005 at 09:58 AM
Agree with a lot of what you are saying Frank. Life is choices - You can choose to be happy every day when you wake up.
The world is too big for any individual to change ... so I just focus on the people I interact with and can influence. If you make people happy, or make their lifes easier, or make them feel loved - you make a net contribution to the world.
Your blog here is part of that - whether its through people viewing and enjoying your art or smiling at your blogs.
Giving is better than receiving (hee-hee).
Posted by: sj | August 27, 2005 at 04:15 AM