left brain

b!r*&%^$%ghg$$!@!

I went to work today thinking I was going to have to set up a gallery show and by that I mean the bitch work like the hanging  then eat some cookies with my co-worker and good friend Donna, and then later deal with some intense stress on how I never have enough time to get anything done.  But instead I was told over lunch that my good friend (yet str8 girl so that is the subplot of this story, who tells me everything, and cares) was going to move in with her boyfriend of 2.5 months.  But the problem with this story, other than the fact that I am not coming to California as soon as I hoped, is that she didn't tell me.  And in fact she was sitting right there as it was told to me! 

Then an enlightening period for an hour where I was told that I am at a turning point for three events in my life.  One with Tom, the ex.  One with Jerry, another good friend, and Donna.  It was a whole fucking shit load of life jam-packed into about 48 hours and I am not very happy about it.  So, I am now going to bitch and smoke all kinds of things and then think about my weekend which hopefully is crammed with drugs and sex and boys. 

But, to bitch: 

Cow's milk protein damages the human immune system. It presents a real and quantifiable health-risk that include increased incidence of osteoporosis, breast cancer, prostate and testicular cancer, heart and cardiovascular diseases, kidney disease and diabetes. Milk and milk products give the highest correlation coefficient to heart disease, while sugar, animal proteins and animal fats come in second, third, and fourth, respectively.  75% of the world's population is actually lactose intolerant and one-third of the 500,000 cancer deaths that occur in the United States each year is due to dietary factors.

Next time your in New York, if you decide to go for a drink at the Algonquin Hotel, and if your lover or a stranger offers you a Martini, say YES (I know it is a lot of "if" untill now but it is worth every "if" ...) and before shouting : "Waiter there is something in my glass" make sure it is not a diamond ... if you go there by yourself, make sure you head is still clear enough to read correctly the price. The Algonquin Hotel propose a $10,000 Martini ... complete with a loose diamond at the bottom. They haven't had any buyers yet but they are hoping a romantic soul will buy one any day now ...

The fucking homo Rob didn't win Manhunt.  For christ sake people.  Get over your GAY ISSUES!  And the straight bat boy didn't make it anywhere near the top?  Whats up with that shit.

I have to repair my WEGA because it flashes some stupid screen on, when you watch TV.  How pissed am I?  It's basically brand new.  $79.00  for them to just look at it?  Christ!  And to top it off it could take one to two weeks for them to do so, WITHOUT even fixing it!  Aghghg.  I don't know what the hell I am going to do with myself.

Whew, now that that is over.  I am done.  Night.

Awww..

After last nights blog on how America reacts to gay issues,
I am sure that this guy is just upset that his friend has died in
his trendy Diesel jeans.

 

Love the Anger

Fuck The South

Just please go !   Quick Hint:  And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

Huge Day. I learned that

Huge Day. I learned that 90% of what you do is controlled by your subconscious mind. Which is a frightening statistic when you start to think about it. You only think about 10% of what you do. Like, shit! So, people are left to link the two, if that ever even happens. And it seems that myself and everyone in my world, that just never happens. It is like trying to connect the dots within yourself. On the path of discovering yourself more and trusting yourself. Or for some, just seeing the dots that you need to connect. I know this sounds all hokey pokey but it made me believe once again in the power of psychiatry. So, for a few minutes in my life, I thought about giving up art for something else.

So, what this means to myself and why do you care? Ha. I don't really know why you care but whatever. I show plenty of hot boys and talk about what I believe to be interesting things, so... let me ramble. With linking a thought which just so happens to be sex (subconscious) with the reality of a boy named Y (concious), I am left totally less stressed. So, yes, the reality of the boy named Y. (I rarely blog, as you might notice, about boys that I actually know). 2 nights of great fun and an upcoming third date. What else can I say? Hm, well... it is becoming totally surprising and dreamy.

You've Got The Love

10 hours of work later (without being a lawyer) left me with nothing to do but Sex and the City on OnDemand since HBO released season six part two for viewing. yay! However, I ran full speed into the last episode as a refresher and am now left with the feeling of sadness and remorse yet I don't even know if that is honestly the feeling. (Argh). There is something nagging me though (and it isn't that I'm working like a bitch) or feeling frustrated with painting and art. Its something that means more. Relationships. First, the boy. (Cue someone special here yet I haven't found him. Maybe I need to go to Paris, again). And Second, my friends.

I got to thinking about relationships
there are those that open you up to something new and exotic
those that are old and familiar
those that bring up lots of questions
those that bring you somewhere unexpected
those that bring you far from where you started
those that bring you back
but the most exciting, challenging, and significant relastionhip of all
is the one you have with yourself
and if you find someone to love the you that you love
well, thats just fabulous.

Sex and the City exited by way of Hamlet. An aphorism from "Hamlet": To thine own self be true. And it all relied on Carrie and what she wanted. And Carrie's choice?

In the end, she chose herself over Aleksandr Petrovsky (Mikhail Baryshnikov), who slapped her, and Paris, which bonked her on the head and left out piles of dog poop for her to stumble into. As opposed to regressing to the contemptibly familiar, that's exactly the way the end should have been.
In Paris, the girl always on the hunt for love got everything she wanted except her main quarry. Naturally, she had to take Manhattan. Her fourth best friend was always Carrie's most serious relationship, and with all its flaws and madness, it never lost anything in the translation, or pretended to be anything other than it was. And, as it turns out Big (Chris Noth) was a free gift with purchase, a man finally ready to give up Napa for ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each -other New York love.

More and more lately I am learning as I go through each day that I am true to myself. And I hope that for being so, things will work out because having to stand up for and by oneself to be true to oneself is pretty damn hard sometimes! Yet, I'm hoping that what Sex and the City and life have taught me, is exactly as Shakespeare and Hamlet teached. To thine own self be true.

One Hour

I love Thursdays. I wait all week for them. Not because it is one more day until Friday or the weekend. It is because I crave the the hour or so alone, just myself, my ipod, and a book (though I have yet to read it) on the subway system. It, seriously people, is gratifying. Lately, it seems when I look around, people can't be alone. I'm not going to finger point or name names but to say the least, some people can't manage an hour. So I sit here thinking to myself, why can't they? If I lost my alone time, which might be one of the reasons why I don't have a boyfriend, I would seriously go insane. I NEED to be able to chill with my laptop or a book (yes, I read off the subway), or movies or myself. Then again I also haven't slept with someone (like sleep, not sex kids.. mind out of the gutter...) since um, last May. Not counting M in Florida. The last time I hooked up was a month ago (honestly) and feel no need for either one of them. So, ha, seriously, what really is the problem with them. Help me understand! Why do people need something constantly? I need things constantly and I will admit a good amount is attention but I feel like I get attention from a hundred thousand ways not just one or two, mainly about oneself. Eck, so, I guess I'm rambling.

Moving on. As I stared over this cute little girl riding the subway and reading Newsweek, I noticed that the magazine does something hysterically funny. "Top of the Week" Yes seriously, top of the week.

Anyway, the debate is about ready to start. I love scripted comedy. God, I even remember when they could actually talk for themselves.

Forcast: Rain in Los Angeles.

This came from another blog from a boy who lives in LA.  If you want the link, I will be more than happy to give it to you.  But, since I am desperately wanting to make a cross-country jump to warm weather and a better city, I particularly found this amusing.  Also since we are about to get the shitty end of our cimate soon, today being the first day of Fall (which I will admit is very beautiful in New England), I thought it would bring some happiness to those who want to move.

Rain. It's the source of panic, joy and widespread hysteria here in the Southland. Nothing... save an Earthquake, Lakers let-down or 405 traffic pile-up can rouse as much media frenzy as a freakin' drop of rain in Los Angeles.

For those non-Angelinos reading this, yes, it rained today.1 I think it lasted 5 maybe 10 minutes. ABC's Doppler 7000+ is still tracking the storm, and I've seen at least a few close-up shots of puddles.

God help us.

Blagh...

It has been awhile since I have blogged. I am not sure why. I guess it may be my inability to unleash, lately. But, I am here now. My end of the week-weekend seems to have brought on a true epiphany. I guess the $125 spent with sitting on a couch is well spent. With the decision to invest full time, in the fall, researching and applying to grad school, it seems that I know have a clear idea on where my life could be going. It is also incredibly exciting that I will know no one in less than a year. Or know a neighborhood. Or know where to find anything. Though, I know one thing for sure at this point, I know myself. And, even more importantly, I trust myself. Boston has been great moment in my life but for the last few months, which we "could" call the summer, I have been incredibly lonely, even though I have been surrounded with people and friends. How does that make sense? It isn't that I am specifically looking for a boyfriend or even at this point, a date. It is the idea though that I really think I am just tired of my entire life here. I am bored in doing the same old thing. I am bored with the same old conversation. The same people. The same moments. (Even if they are spent with friends). The same attitude. The same lack of a whole lot of life.

It really came to head this weekend when I went to see "Garden State" with Greg and Matt and what turns out to be Greg's new roommate. After some dive but fun Mexican restaurant, two frozen mugs of margaritas, and a cute and amusing movie, it was dampened by the idea that for some reason, my "strong" opinion on life, and specifically at this moment a movie, was too much to handle for some. It could possibly be me. Or it could possibly be others. But, I strongly feel that life (which this movie was totally about) should be honest and real. You should say what you believe even if people will look at you oddly. Surprisingly, even after watching a movie about understanding how real life actually is, my opinion on just that came as a surprise to the "few" who believed otherwise. Then again, who would know, since their opinion was never said.

So, what else is up. Well, I am slightly tan again after a beach moment in Nantasket. Never been before. And, Never Again. It was like the ghetto meets the beach. It would have been easier if some people brought their trailers to the beach. Why cart all that food when your house rolls? But, I dreamily stared at a boy who had a white pookah necklace and hair like Ashton's. It was like a little bit of California. Or maybe it was all a dream in the buzz from the smuggled and hidden Smirnoff Ice drinks we were drinking. Anyways, the water was cold enough to freeze major parts of your body off. Not to mention you had to be cautious not to be hit with a football or some other object used for sport.

Then again, it was better than last weekend spent bar-hopping or more like drama-hopping with the boys and girls in Fanuiel Hall. How stupid can you possibly be to smoke inside of a bar when you aren't supposed to be smoking in it? A ban, almost a year old. But, the larger than life Budlights were yummy. Wow, what a messy week. Having your pie and eating it too doesn't work. Especialy if you are a fat girl and want 6 pieces. Also, go see Hero. It is absolutely beautiful. The scenes are just amazing.

Rise Up

A highly debatable choice to go on a possibly super sketchy Harbor Cruise for Pride left me with a lot of discoveries about life as we circled around the Boston harbor. Since, I was not able to have any fun at the Pride day activities because of work, I chose to take up an offer for a free ticket to the Pride Cruise that night. I decided to go with my cousin and all of his friends.

In a time when I am so bored in Boston I basically want to cry, the cruise showed me that there isn't just the same tired old crowd that I am used to. There are whole other (and I am sure many more) groups of people who are fun to hang around with. Who are mature. Who are hot. Who are not the people you would see at Rise or anywhere else in Boston, regularly.

It also showed me that the ability to find a boyfriend in a town where I felt like I have seen everyone is still an opportunity. I knew no one on the cruise, roughly. Nor have seen barely anyone on it. The cruise was mostly guys who were older than me. But, it didn't matter. It was nice to be able to meet other amazing people and to not experience any drama what so ever for the entire night! It was nice to feel that people had relationships since a lot of them had boyfriends. Something that I definitely don't feel like I see very often. It was nice to feel that they also cared about the relationship too, but were out to have fun. I don't know. It seems like a lot of people have that "family" that I am starting to have but also feel the need to work on more.

It left me with a concern though, since it was very clearly noticeable, why gay men become obsessed with having the utmost perfect bodies. Like 93% of the guys on this ship had the whole V-shaped, sculpted pecs, abs, legs, same typical haircuts, and were like 2% body fat. I guess I should be happy that I am skinny rather than huge and beefy. It seems like if I was beefy and overly muscular now, I would be out of control in my thirties.

Look at me NOW!

When love has seen me guarding myself,
So I got here healing within my shell, it took so long for me to see.

Look at me now.

Some time ago I walked away
You thought I would never be the same
I recovered on my own
Without you now I'll carry on.

Look at me now I am stronger than before cause
I've found the strength within myself to close the door,
I've closed the door for you to ever come inside again
I've tried so hard to keep me sheltered from your kind of men.

I've been blind and foolish but I was just a girl
You used me with your lies and promised me the world
Now I've had it with you and your twisted games
No longer will you make me feel so ashamed
I have found the power to open the cage
I've left you behind me, I've turned the page.

-Jessy.