Saturday night my friend Matt took me out for a night of birthday debauchery. After a great sushi dinner with two cans of Sapporo, we headed back to my apartment to watch two episodes of SATC while well drinking two funky cran-tangerine martinis and enjoying a moment of mary, lol. The plan was to have a night of rowdy drinking and dancing at Dbar but it turned out that after our $20-something cab ride there, it was a tad disappointing on all fronts (boys, dancing, music, boys, festivities) so we headed back into the city and to Buzz only because this club moved into a new smaller space. I think we both thought that it was going to be uber packed but it turned out to get crowded but not insanely so. A Corona, a shot of god knows what, a Blueberry Vodka and tonic later and well I was a mess. As I write this, my stomach still feels disgusting. I think the mary fucked me up. It turns out that I ended up being drooled over by some boy from Nebraska (haha!) who I ended up making out with, a boy from the UES who was a tad bit of a prissy bitch though a cute preppy one, and some boy from a few years back that I don’t even remember if we hooked up or not, which turned into a hysterical fit of laughter between Mattie and I since I super felt 1. slutty and 2. getting old. Though, the boy was super hot in his pseudo SoCal punk clothing, his Aryan blond hair, and his bright blue eyes…so I felt good either way, but he now has a boyfriend, which well… just sucks.
These next two sentences coincide with each other perfectly. I had a great time in Las Vegas. And Las Vegas is the end of humanity. It is the demise of America. It is the reason why al Qaeda hates us. It is the dumbed down version of funky hotels, entertainment, music, art, alcohol, and celebrity chefs. Yah, I know it sounds like I am being overly critical or like I didn’t have a great time, which is entirely untrue, but Vegas is the end of the earth. Humans are not meant to inhabit this city, this city growing faster than any other in the United States. We should start testing our nukes again, I think. I really don’t know what we would lose if we started doing so. Hundreds of Americans wasting their money away as they believe they are going to win millions? Hundreds of Americans walking up and down a 100-degree piece of land drinking alcohol by the gallons?
After our flight landed, we headed to the pool, which is sorta like a beach. We hung out for a little while until we felt like we were in a bad spring break movie. Late thirty year olds (possibly even 40’s and straight) drunk out of their minds making out with girls in their early twenties was not what I was wanting to watch, lol. Drunk so out of their minds that I myself almost quit drinking because of watching their embarrassing and pathetic actions. Beer bottles in Vegas have a Coca Cola-like twist off cap, lol, does that say enough? There were some incredibly hot boys, all of which were straight, but I definitely had some eye candy to keep my thoroughly entertained especially by the ones who were wearing square cuts (I think they were Brazilian) and as they got increasingly drunker, got increasingly hornier, haha. But up until this pseudo spring break moment on the beach, I always believed that straight boys and girls were somewhat unlike homo’s, lol. I believed that they didn’t act like total fools when drunk, that they didn’t make out with twenty year olds when they are forty five, that they didn’t think they were god’s gift, that they didn’t get totally trashed when they are in their thirties, that they didn’t talk about other woman when they had one on their lap, that they were somehow, I don’t know, less ridiculous. It turns out we are all the same, haha. I also decided that I would have killed myself if I moved to Los Angeles (sorry boys reading this from LA). Vegas was packed with people from LA, you could just tell. The whole vapid materialistic body obsessed wasteland would have killed me.
I saw Xmen III in Vegas and sorta fell into all of the gay metaphors. The biggest question I left with was, “If there was something out there t to make you straight, would you?” And after about 45 seconds of debate, I fully believe I would never choose to be straight anymore. That I am totally cool and comfortable with who I am and would never choose anything else if given an opportunity.
My 25th birthday came on Monday and I celebrated more than I was sad. Which rocked. Laying by the “upper middle class” pool as we called it because the whole hassle and disgust of seeing way drunken straight men attempting to pick up woman was just too much to handle. This “special” pool made men pay $40 while woman paid $10, which greatly goes against my views towards the world (woman should be in birkahs, or at least I should be able to pay $40 to throw 4 woman out of the private pool area, lol) but we did it anyways because it was much lovelier with its cushioned benches, greater attention, and less annoyance. The only hitch to this whole little moment of betterness was the whole topless woman thing, but I just pretended I was in … I dunno, Nice. So we layed by the pool roasting until margarita’s and some Mexican and then a walk up to some other hotels to keep drinking. After drinks at the Vegas version of Tao, I went to Bouchon in the Venetian for my birthday dinner. It was the best meal of the trip and one of the cheapest. The night before was NobHill, which was 3x more and 3x shittier. I won’t even write about it. I hate restaurants that sit you at the bar so you spend more money with them when the entire restaurant is empty. THIS is NobHill. I had their known to be fantastic quiche (it was like dessert, the best quiche I have ever had) and the steak frites (not sliced like most American French bistro’s) along with chocolate profiteroles for dessert. Their understated one blue candle for the “birthday celebration” was nearly perfect. Their presentation of the wine which came in rural French
country glass bottles, the rustic bread which looked like a wooden log just layed on the tablecloth, and the menu wrapped around your napkin awaiting you. Check out their main website here.
The following night for dinner I went to Okada in the Wynn Hotel. Picture in this paragraph is from there. The Wynn is the newest and most expensive hotel on the strip and totally not worth the hype and excitement. I left the entire hotel experience until the last night, thankfully since it was an incredible walk from our hotel. It is pretty much the Bellagio with a Picasso behind the check in and stone people wandering into a water fountain. To me, a Picasso behind the check in was insulting. Okada was great sushi and a great experience since the restaurant has a massive open “window?” that looks into a very lush, very exotic looking, series of waterfalls.
And now I am 25.